text from last light.

[insubordination]

y'all know what to do

Comments

[metagame]

also, I may or may not be wearing a cape right now... hint: I am.

[reeliable]

Please tell me you're wearing more than just the cape.

[fairysong]

1: i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex

2: If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.

3: I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.

4: Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...

5: Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?

5

[reeliable]

I mean, sugar rush, but you do you.

4

[pidgeypidge]

On a scale of 1 to 10, how beautiful was he?

arashi narukami ☆

[runwaying]

1. i am sorry for breaking a mirror on your head
2. i look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
3. there are some things you cannot control and i am at least three of them
4. text her first!

3.

[hauhra]

I guess that makes me all of the others.

2

[annoyings]

emphasis not needed, you're always a mess.

[reeliable]

1: Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close the door, and resume driving.

2: What happened last night?? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor?

3: I don't know if I'm dying or if this is just a mild inconvenience.

4: why is there a bottle of tequila taped to the fan

5: how drunk is too drunk to be on a plane?

3

[pidgeypidge]

What are your symptoms?

tony bologne

[billionaires]

1. my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"

2. i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees around the temple.

3. When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.

4. It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone

5. Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.

2

[dadandgone]

I thought you were just enjoying some fresh air...I was wondering what you were doing.

[punshots]

1: I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving

2: Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell

3: please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me

4: i got in a fight with my imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch me after a surprise trust fall

5: text him!

3 - bro pls

[reeliable]

but I do like you?

[intoningly]

1. seriously this shitty bracelet. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.

2. He told me he had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits and the plague.

3. What happened lastnight I smell like I had sex with one of those fish bitches....god i reek

1

[extirpator]

They're better that way :)

[dadandgone]

1. I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion.

2. My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.

3. Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in the temple.

4. The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"

5. he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.

4

[runwaying]

that sounds like the start of a really tragic melodrama...

[formleg]

1. An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?

2. we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now

3. I wanna bring you to show and tell

4. You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"

5. So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building

3

[pidgeypidge]

I have no idea how to take that.

[hatamon]

1. You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.

2. I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch.

3. I just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.

4. Hey, okay if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.

3

[pidgeypidge]

Don't underestimate my love for french fries.

[adelphoi]

1. ive finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.

2. do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?

3.i'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. i got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in.

4. drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.

[sunborne]

i.
What's cooking, you guys. I drunkenly travelled to Japan with no money and no hotel at the ready.

ii.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed.

iii.
This is a mass text - Does anyone know where I am????

iv.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green.

vi.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer. do you think he'll keep it??

vi. wildcard!!
send a text to him and he'll respond..

iii

[dadandgone]

No. Can you describe your location?

[pidgeypidge]

1. Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
2. You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated.
3. I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese.
4. You told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual.
5. Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn?
6. Text her first~

5.

[runwaying]

that popcorn machine might have been a little bit too much for me to handle on my own, I'll admit

[lumberlady]

1. i think im locked out of the restaurant... the all you can eat one... why would they do that... thats horroble... its an accident right!!?

2. have you ever had a peach that was so delicious you cried?

3. they wont stop saying my parents must have been a human and a horse!!!!1 thats impossible!!! and painful!!!

4. i shouldnt never have had all the asebi wine... i have two stomachs to throw up... i regret it im sorry please help

4

[extirpator]

Drink water right now

[rightfully]

1. My father gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.

2. My mother asked me why I was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning... I answered, "I was planking obviously" and walked away.

3. I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when you're wondering where most of the Christmas ornaments are, I'm really sorry.

4. We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often.

4

[reeliable]

Yeah, people love capes. It's a great conversation starter.

[hauhra]

1: I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.

2: well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home

3: And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you

4: I'm experimenting with sincerity

[godcards]

1. Don't worry about the blood on the pillow. It's from my face.

2. I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me.

3. Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions.

1.

[runwaying]

okay, if you're damaging your face that badly it had better be for a really good reason

[apocryphas]

1. My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today.

2. I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.

3. Someone needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.

4. If you can't surf you're dead to me

5. What do you mean i was in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces"?

6. Sometimes I feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today I am drunk

[annoyings]

1. He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange.

2. Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.

3. txt him

2

[reeliable]

I see the sock, but you're going to have to spell it out for me because I need to make sure we're on the same page here.